A thank you to my therapist

T.K.,

I always dreamed that years from now, I would book an appointment with you. I wouldn’t need to see you; I would be doing really well.  I would waltz into your office and tell you how great I was and thank you for everything you did for me.  I would tell you about all the changes I had made in my life and do my best to explain just how influential you have been for me. I would want you to see that I continued to apply what you taught me, and I wasn’t just surviving because of it, I was thriving.  It would be a joyful 50 minutes, a far departure from previous sessions of tears and awkward silence.  I would purposely say something funny to get you to laugh.  You would tell me you were proud of me, and we would both leave with a smile on our faces and happiness in our hearts. 

I imagine myself thanking you for saving my life and you would say that I was the one who took what you taught me in our sessions and applied it.  I was the one who put in the work.  But, during our time together, you were the best catalyst, teacher and the cheerleader, and I could never have done it without you. I would not have had the courage to walk into a behavioral health hospital if we had not talked about it on several occasions and without your firm yet motherly encouragement throughout the journey

I wish so desperately that my dream of saying thank you in person years from now would come true.  When you taught me how to grieve so I could begin to heal, I never thought that I would soon need to grieve losing you.  This isn’t how a relationship with a therapist is supposed to end. But as heartbroken as I am. I am so privileged and honored to have been one of your clients.  You were one of the biggest supporters of my writing and of this blog  that I think it is only fitting that my first post is in honor of you.  Rest in peace and thank you for changing my life for the better.